I’ll be honest—if you had told me five years ago that I’d be voluntarily waking up at 6 a.m. to massage a goat’s udder while humming Fleetwood Mac, I would’ve assumed I’d lost a bet. And yet… here we are. Welcome to my milking era. a milking
Yep, this blog post is all about milking. Not the supermarket version where you grab a gallon and go. I mean actual milking—hands-on, udder-in-hand, “please don’t kick the bucket” kind of milking. And believe it or not, it’s become one of the most grounding, therapeutic, oddly joyful parts of my life.a milking
Maybe you’re flirting with the idea of homesteading, maybe your neighbor has a goat that’s giving you side-eye, or maybe you just ended up here after typing “how to milk a cow without getting kicked” into Google. Whatever brought you—hi. Grab your beverage of choice and let’s get into the messy, weird, strangely wonderful world of milking.a milking
The Day Curiosity Got the Best of Me (Yes, This Involves a Goa)
Growing up in the city, milk came from a cold shelf at the grocery store, wedged between orange juice and “now with extra oat!” options. That was the extent of my dairy experience.
That all changed one weekend when I visited a friend who lives on what I can only describe as a Pinterest-worthy mini farm. As I was admiring her idyllic little setup, she casually said, “Wanna try milking Lucille?”
Lucille, for the record, is a goat. A diva of a goat.
“She’s friendly,” my friend added.
She was not.
My first few attempts were… well, loud. Mostly on my end. But once I figured out the rhythm and Lucille decided I wasn’t a complete moron, something clicked. I watched as fresh, warm milk trickled into the pail and felt this unexpected wave of connection. With the animal, with the land, with myself.
I went home with sore hands and a giddy heart. And that, friends, was the start of my udder obsession.ka milking
So, Why Is Everyone Suddenly Into Milking Again?
Okay, it’s not everyone, but there’s definitely been a noticeable buzz around milking lately. From the homesteading crowd to foodies ditching store-bought dairy, there’s a revival happening—and it’s oddly wholesome.a milking
Here’s what’s trending in the milking scene:
Backyard Goats & Micro Cows
Mini breeds like Nigerian Dwarf goats and Mini Jerseys are becoming the new backyard chickens. They’re small, manageable, and give just enough milk for a household. a milking
Plant Milk Fatigue
Let’s be real—some people are over oat milk’s watery vibes. They’re craving the creamy, full-fat goodness of the real thing.a milking
Raw Milk Curiosity
Controversial? Yup. But there’s a growing interest in raw milk for its supposed enzymes, flavor, and Instagram aesthetic. (More on that later.)a milking
Milking as a Form of Therapy
Turns out, the act of milking is slow, repetitive, and kind of meditative. It’s like yoga, but with udders.
What Milking Really Feels Like (It’s Not All Pastoral Dreaminess)
Let’s clear something up: milking is not glamorous. It’s not a slow-mo commercial with golden light and a smiling farmer in flannel. It’s… real. It’s earthy. It’s occasionally gross.
But it’s also weirdly amazing.
You’ll get poop on your boots. You’ll smell things you can’t describe. You’ll get squirted in the face. But somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, you’ll find this peaceful rhythm that makes your phone, your to-do list, your inbox—just fade away.a milking
My Morning Milking Routine (A.K.A. Goat Yoga with Bonus Dairy)
Here’s what my mornings look like now:
- 5:45 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I have a brief existential crisis.
- 6:00 a.m.: Stumble outside, coffee in hand, half-asleep. Luna and Disco (my goats) are already yelling at me like I owe them rent.
- 6:10 a.m.: Clean the udder with warm water and wipes. (Yes, there are udder-specific wipes. No, I didn’t know that was a thing either.)
- 6:15 a.m.: Start milking using the two-finger squeeze. If you yank, the goat will 100% let you know that’s not okay.
- 6:30 a.m.: Transfer milk into jars, do a little smell check (wine snob style), and label the date.
- 6:45 a.m.: Head back inside and beeline to the shower, because barn hair is not cute.
Rookie Milker Tips: Stuff I Learned So You Don’t Have To
So, you wanna try milking? Cool. Here are some hard-won nuggets of advice:
1. Go Goat First
They’re smaller, less intimidating, and easier to manage than cows. Also: goat milk = dreamy cheese and creamy coffee.
2. Get the Gear
Must-haves:
- Stainless steel bucket (plastic holds smells)
- Milk strainer and filters
- Udder balm (yes, it’s a thing—and it’s great on cracked human knuckles, too)
- A cooler if you plan to store it for a bit
3. Embrace the Awkward
The first few times will feel like trying to tie shoelaces with oven mitts. That’s normal. Just keep at it.
4. Talk to Your Animal
Seriously. They know. Speak gently. I always tell Luna she’s “the Beyoncé of the barn.” She milks better when her confidence is up.
5. Consistency = Everything
You can’t milk “when you feel like it.” It’s every day. Sometimes twice a day. It becomes a routine—and weirdly, you’ll look forward to it.
also read buzzcraze